Taking chances and wading into the deep end.

Are you advertising yourself truthfully? Are you putting into the world who you really are, or do you change who you appear to be depending on what others think or believe you should be in specific situations?

About four months ago I came across a quote that has stuck with me ever since and probably has become one of my favorites: “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

For me, this quote describes the human condition in general and more specifically my own “condition” for sure. Although I accept and own the same or similar characteristics of the first 2 sentences of this quote, I admit that I don’t always own the declaration in final sentence. I sometimes hide “my worst” for fear that others won’t accept me.

The truth is, however, that the only one I’m fooling is myself. I think that somehow people with whom I’m in relationship won’t see those selfish, impatient, insecure, out-of-control, and difficult aspects of my personality, but they always do eventually. The good news is that if the relationship is mutually caring and built on honesty, then both parties can handle the worst and deserve the best of each other.

So, I’ve begun to evaluate the relationships in my life to determine whether my relationships are with people who can handle the worst of me and deserve the best of me…and whether I can handle the worst of them so that I deserve the best of them. Truth in advertising…the essential component of strong, steadfast relationships…always keeping in mind that it is a two-way street and that for each person, “if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

For those of you who are not familiar with this “truth in advertising” quote that is so special to me, it is from Marilyn Monroe.

Shannon

I know; odd title but all will become clear.  It feels like an age since I sat down to write, it’s only been a few weeks, but still it’s a gap in the blog and if I’m honest I’ve missed it.  I have let other aspects of my work take over my schedule, letting my blog posts fall by the wayside as if they were somehow less important.  So, are they less important?  If so, why am I blogging at all?

Answers to those questions are not really relevant because the real the question is, “how relevant is everything on my schedule?”  If there is too much on the schedule then something needs to be done.  Just “forgetting” one or two things a day gets you nowhere except feeling behind, frustrated, and stressed.  If this also leads to loss of business then you really are in trouble.

The importance of scheduling your time, and then sticking to the schedule has become apparent recently.  (I know my business coach, Kevin, will be pleased to read this)  The bottom line is you have to make space for the work that needs to get done.  If there are too many ‘things’ then something has to happen; outsource, employ someone, or take tasks out of the equation.  If you have too much work to do, the probability is none of it will get done properly, if at all.

This past weekend I attended my very first high school reunion. Although I’d like to say that I’m so young that I only graduated high school about 5 or 10 years ago and this was the first reunion that they held, but I can’t say that. This was just the first time I attended one of the many reunions held by my graduating class. And for some of you who are curious…it was the 42nd year reunion…yes, I’m getting into senior discount territory.

I was struck by how everyone looked so much older…duh-h-h-h! Some looked great “for their age”—others, not so much. But although the physical appearance of these former classmates had changed, I was struck by how their personalities had remained largely intact. And I was really stuck by how when I looked into their eyes, in most cases I could see that formerly young high school senior looking back at me…still with that spark of youth and hope for things to come. As I’ve gotten older, I believe that I’ve retained my spark of youthfulness and hope while becoming braver about pursuing new opportunities to grow.

I think my message here is not to judge a book by its cover…not even your own. Just because the cover may be worn and a little ragged around the edges doesn’t mean that there aren’t wonderful stories of romance, mystery, adventure, and knowledge waiting to be discovered within its pages. So I challenge all of you readers to discover what’s inside your own “book” and share it with the world. No time like the present!

Until next time, readers.

Shannon

Sorry, readers, that I’ve been behind on posting my thoughts lately…I wonder whether Janet’s discussion about “to-do lists” cursed me or blessed me with enough work that I had to start making my own to-do lists. I choose to take it as a blessing.

I was talking with another friend today, and the subject of our conversation was people in our lives who we deeply care for, but who cast negative influences on our vision and our dreams. On one hand these individuals love us, care for us, and enrich our lives in many ways. On the other hand, however, with one little turn of phrase they can cause us to second guess our well-thought-out decisions about the direction we want our lives to take and in some cases drain our enthusiasm and self-esteem. Curse or blessing?

Well, we decided that we love these people, and we want them in our lives, so what are we going to do?

For me, I think I’ll consider them as blessings. They do enrich aspects of my life, and for those “not so positive” aspects of our relationship…the words that cause me to second guess myself or give up my self-esteem or enthusiastic attitude? The truth is that the only curse there is with myself if I allow my loved ones’ voices to change the direction I want to follow or change the way I live my life if that life is happy and fulfilling for me. I have the power to choose for myself…also a blessing.

So I choose only to see the blessings of my life…even those blessings that are warning me against my life choices. After all, perhaps we each need someone pointing out the potholes in the road so that we can drive more carefully. It doesn’t mean the journey has to stop.

Shannon

Mine is, or should I say they are, cos there’s more than one and they just keep multiplying. I’m starting to think they procreate right there on my desk.

You have a “To Do” list, right? You know all those things that you need or mean to get done, or learn, or finish, or someone else wants you to do, learn, or finish, so they don’t have to – yes that list! Well I want to get rid of mine. I’m tired of the idea of them bringing me down, weighing down my psyche with all these overwhelmed feelings.

Well it turns out that some people have theirs under control. So that’s my goal, control, in the guise of elimination. The theory is this; instead of writing things on a list (and it getting longer by the day. Then you start a new one cos the first one is full. Then you transfer and move things up and down cos other things are now more important, and that thing’s been on there for 3 months already so it can go to the bottom, right?) write the thing into your schedule so it actually gets done! WOW, I mean is that not profound? Actually get them done instead of writing the list, man, why did I never think of that? You might not believe this but I don’t think it ever occurred to me – the list meant it would get done – eventually.

For me making To-Do lists is comforting, maybe a control thing, definitely a habit. Writing it down is a way of cementing the idea in my mind – like writing a grocery list then going to the store without it – you remember what you wrote down. But in hindsight I’m wondering about procrastination and self sabotage; I wrote it down so it must be worthy of getting done, and it means I’m busy, got things to do to justify my day but I’m too busy right now. And the habit part is very hard to break, much harder than I imagined.

For now I’m trying – putting things on my schedule instead of the list, and being disciplined about the schedule.

What I have to do next is tackle all those things already on the lists lurking on the desk before they sneak back to procreating.

Later – J

I tend to offer advice to my friends whether they want it or not. Occasionally (okay, maybe more than occasionally), I hear back from them, “You should take your own advice.” Well, I’m going to follow that wise advice about taking my own advice, and I’m going to take my own advice…about living a deliberate life and finding my vision or what’s truly important to me for my life.

I’ve been going through a lot of emotional turmoil over the past few months. I have been stuck in a rut and couldn’t seem to get out. I believe I was trying to get out by taking on new stuff, thinking that I was bored and, therefore, in that dreaded rut. But instead I needed to stop, sit still for a while, and quietly think deliberately about what I was doing, which was actually digging the rut deeper and deeper and deeper because I was taking on more and more and more.

The answer for me is not to take on more; the answer is to simplify, do less variety, but make what I choose to do of more quality and of more importance to myself.

So, there I was with this great epiphany, and now the trick is to decide what of all the stuff that I had used to clutter up my time, energy, and life was of true value and importance to me. I started by making a list of everything I was doing, but then I’m a list maker. The starting place may be different for you. But the point is to somehow deliberately and honestly determine the personal importance of each, individual piece of life-clutter. To sort out the most important tasks that must be done to sustain myself, I asked this question about each item on the list…”Will my physical well-being be harmed if I don’t do this task?”

WOW! What a wake-up call! Only 2 items on that list of 8-plus items, received an affirmative response to that question. Just in case you’re wondering, the 2 items were “Perform well at my job” and “Maintain a healthy diet and exercise plan.”

The next question that I asked about the remaining items on the list was, “Will my level of happiness be increased if I do this task?” For all of us with “control issues,” this can be a dangerous question to ask, but be honest with yourself about what true happiness is to you. Again, many tasks fell by the wayside with one task rising to the top…“Stay connected to my network of close friends and family.”

So now the top three things on my “most important to do” list are to perform well at my job, maintain a healthy diet and exercise plan, and stay connected to my network of close friends and family…with maintaining a healthy diet and exercise plan (with the goal of losing weight and getting healthy again) being top priority. When I achieve and successfully incorporate my top priority as a way of life, I can re-evaluate things again and determine what else can be added to my “most important” list of goals or things to do.

And my “most important” list is likely different from yours. The point is to clear the clutter and determine what are your top three goals/tasks/items on your own “most important” list. This doesn’t mean that clutter won’t wiggle its way into the list, but I for one must be vigilant to ensure that I remain focused on my “most important” list and not be distracted by the clutter and fluff that tries to monopolize my energy and attention, no matter how exciting it may look temporarily. I will achieve success and greater happiness if I can identify what “success” and “happiness” means to me and remain focused only on activities that directly help me achieve them.

So, I put it to you to look closely at what’s on your “To Do” list and determine what on that list furthers your pursuit of “success” and “happiness,” however you define them. Then, if an item on your list doesn’t pass your success and/or happiness criteria…seriously consider dropping it off your list at least for now. You can, and perhaps should, always revisit your list as you meet a goal or your “success” and “happiness” definitions change.

Shannon inspired me yet again “Cream rises to the top, you know, and what’s important to you will become clear.  With that clarity will come a recognition of your vision.”  What a lovely idea, cream rises to the top, Yum.  My caveat is … but only if you let it.  If you keep the milk constantly astir or shaken the cream never rises.  Now I realise I on a slippery slope here with the whole butter possibilities, but bear with me.

In our diet we’ve got used to letting the cream rise only so far as it can be skimmed off for the Fat Free, 1%, Low Calorie, hydrogenised, homogenized, denatured, pre-packaged promises of “slim with no effort” glop.  I think many of us do the same with our vision.  When our emotions and our lives are constantly astir we leave no room for wants and dreams and vision.  Instead we settle for the “vision with no effort” fallacy of advertising, or worse still, “vision by proxy.”

Defend yourself from the shaking and stirring of life’s’ agitators, the takers and pushers who want more from you.  Make time for you on your daily schedule.  Let your vision rise, like the cream.

“Legal Statement:  (To be read very fast.)  This advice has not been approved by any professional or the FDA.  Readers take their lives into their own hands and Miss Janet bares no responsibility for any ensuing marital breakups or offspring tantrums.  Do as I say not as I do, personally I use cream for my trifle.”

You know, it’s amazing to me how Janet and I think on the same (or at least very similar) wavelengths most of the time. Her most recent post gave me a lead-in to write about a subject that I’ve been thinking very, very seriously about in recent weeks.

I’ve been thinking about living a “deliberate” life. Not my original thought…Thoreau wrote about it in Walden’s Pond, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Living deliberately…or consciously…awake and aware to what is around us and to the actions and choices we make…is a major component for living life in a simple, basic fashion. But I believe it can be applied quite well to our modern hectic, not-so-simple lifestyles. It’s about taking the stimuli, stresses, activities, work, and everything else we have going on, and breaking them down into what we consciously MUST do and what can wait…or even farther into what we don’t need to do at all.

It’s about living and working proactively rather than reactively, and we have control over that although many of us think we don’t. We live reactively when we allow others to make decisions for us, for our time, for our resources, for our schedules. So many of us, including myself, give in to others when they can’t meet a deadline, complain that our prices are too high, or decide they want that one more, final change even though they’ve already made final changes five times. But if we’re living deliberately and consciously according to our needs, we learn to say, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that because it doesn’t work for me.”

Before I get comments saying that I’m not being realistic, think about it. How many times as a customer have you tried to push the envelope with a vendor or business person, and they simply said, “Sorry, but this is the way it is, and this is all we can do.” What do you do? Well, you probably accept their response and agree to operate according to their terms. Yet, so many women (again, including myself) feel that we must put our own personal and business needs secondary and “take care of” everyone else at our own expense.

So the next time someone comes to you and asks you to do more work that takes more time than you’re being paid for or that would take time away from something else that is more important to you, try thinking deliberately about your response before you give it. Be conscious of what “giving in” will cost you in both the short- and the long-term, whether the cost is to your personal life or your business life.

So how does living a “deliberate” life help us establish our “vision”? Simple…well, maybe not so simple for many of us because it will take work and practice. When you make conscious, deliberate choices for your life and/or business so that you can live proactively, you naturally look at what is most important to you–whether it’s maintaining emotional peace rather than turmoil, tranquility instead of stress, financial independence over giving your services away for free. Cream rises to the top, you know, and what’s important to you will become clear. With that clarity will come a recognition of your vision.

Shannon

I had an Ah-Ha moment yesterday, quite a major one for me.  “I don’t have a vision for myself.”  I struggle everyday either with feeling overwhelmed if I’ve too much to do, or scared to death if I don’t, and I resort to avoidance behaviours because it’s an old habit.  When I’m being productive and creative, and I’ve got my ’stuff’ together, I can move huge volumes of work – just think what I could get done if I actually had a vision to work to for myself and my business and I has ‘my stuff’ together all the time?

What’s your reason to get up in the morning? To go running, walk the dog, start work at 6:30, go the gym or Jazzercise?  Whatever reason it is that drives you, it’s vision, even if that vision is only that you are the kind of person to start work at 6:30 or that loves their dog.  It doesn’t have to be world peace or a cure for cancer; it just has to be your reason.  That inner spark that overcomes the lethargy, or feeling crap when you wake up, or the resentment that builds because you think ’someone else’ is driving you. How ridiculous is this, in my case that ’someone’ is me!!!!

Talk to me people.  Where did you find your vision?  Did it just find you?  Do you have a passion? Anyone have a magic pill out there?  Hey, like the Matrix?  Take the red pill and wake up in a completely different reality!  I need my own “red pill” people, any suggestions on how to find it?

J

Okay, this isn’t as much a post as information sharing. I just read a post on the blog You Already Know This Stuff that I think might interest our readers. The subject is “Inspiration or Desperation” and is about why we decide to change or move in a different direction. I couldn’t have said it better myself, so check it out. It’s worth reading, in my view.

Shannon